Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
