I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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