I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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