Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
