Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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