I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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