In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
