On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I AM VODKA MAN
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
