Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
