But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
