so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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