My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
