i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
