what day is it and did you see me today?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
