forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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