where am i from again
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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