just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
