listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
