Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
