my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
