Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
