we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
