part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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