Christians are straight up FREAKS
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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