The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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