Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
