sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
