so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
