Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
