And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize