I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
