Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
