real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
