New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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