I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
