I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
