she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
