So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
