didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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