Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
