Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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