Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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