omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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