i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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