Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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