dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
