i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize