i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
