where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
