Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
