i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
