Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
