Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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