Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
