There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
