My nipple is on Facebook.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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