she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
