I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
