i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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