So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
