...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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