bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
