I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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