Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
