I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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