Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
