Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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