Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
