i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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