It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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