never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
