the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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