I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
